i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
