i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
