I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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