Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Randomize
