Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
