I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
