I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
