I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
