I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
