My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
