umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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