Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
