nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
