To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
