I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
