dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
