oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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