if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
