Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
