please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is my gift to your gina
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
