I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
