Define "chronic" masturbator.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
