angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
