butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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