whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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