he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I want a musical about memes.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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