Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
two words...techno handjob
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
