I think I won the penis lottery.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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