Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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