what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize