woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
