super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
