I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
