i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
