I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
