Porn is love you can see.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
