i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
