I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
