so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
