oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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