I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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