Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
