Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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