Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I FOUND THE LEGS
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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