My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
