he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
