is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
