Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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