u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
