If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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