i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
