In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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