we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
So much rum. So many feels.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
