FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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