they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
