If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
