I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
