i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
