dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
