Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
