my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
