dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
