The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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