You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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