Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
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