The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Randomize
