He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
People in love make me want to vomit
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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