i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
