For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
It's official drugs can't kill me
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
whose parrot is this?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
