What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
