are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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