Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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