so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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