Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
