Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Randomize
