epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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