but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
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