Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
