I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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