Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
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