I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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