Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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