i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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